Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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