He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
His hands were made for my vagina.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Randomize
