i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
