Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
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