and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
