I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
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