Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
