3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
we should paint friendship bongs
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