bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Randomize
