Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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