I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
