I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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