Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
