toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
