They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
