Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
thus making me awesome and them whores
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
