Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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