I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I am available for nakedness
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize