I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
