It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
You took a bar mat shot.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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