i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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