Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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