If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
