I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
