I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Randomize
