Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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