I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
