Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
