I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Randomize
