Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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