he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
