I hate all girls vehemently.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
25 People Reveal The Creepiest Kids They Went to School With
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
17 Subtle Body Language Signs That Reveal A Lot About Someone
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.