The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Randomize
