it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
23 People Reveal The Worst Culture Shock They’ve Ever Experienced While Traveling
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
27 People Confess Their Proudest Fap
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
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