I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I think he's only dating me for my ass...