He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt