I think i sorta joined a cult last night
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
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I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
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I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?