hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
