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• (216): View more from Ohio

  wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?

  (330): View more from Ohio

  yes... and buy you lunch

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• (509): View more from Washington

  I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics

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• (512): View more from Texas

  I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.

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• (770): View more from Georgia

  he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players

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  These 23 People Are Living Shocking Lies

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• (916): View more from California

  Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?

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• (918): View more from Oklahoma

  When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb

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• (678): View more from Georgia

  Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before

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• (518): View more from New York

  Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.

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• (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.

  (1-403): View more from Alberta, CA

  Wait. Someome brought slutcake?

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  The 17 Absolute Worst Divorces Imaginable

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• (540): View more from Virginia

  I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...

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• (501): View more from Arkansas

  You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.

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• (609): View more from New Jersey

  I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.

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• (415): View more from California

  If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning

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• (330): View more from Ohio

  ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water

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• (281): View more from Texas

  Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.

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