Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture