I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
