I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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