your parents love me but you hate me
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
