What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
