There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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