I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
