Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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