I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
please come you make the beer taste better
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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