I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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