Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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