erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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