there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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