the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Acid is not a monday night drug
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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