i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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