I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I supernannyed him into submission
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
