it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
