i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
