I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
