Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
