his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
