we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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