I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
