i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
