Whod you bang
dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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