Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize
