Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
