Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
