im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Randomize
