How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
she told me i tasted like america
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
