we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
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