i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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