just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
