I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
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What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
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I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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