He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
drinking out of a sandbucket again
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
did i walk over a car last night?
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
