I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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