Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
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