u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
