why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
high people should be assigned attendants
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
