Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Randomize
