wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
