Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
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