Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
