You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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