Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
