wrigley field is MILF paradise
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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