Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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